NUMBER:

3

AGE:

14

NATIONALITY:

English

Favourite past-time:

SEX, SEX, SEX!!!

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Surrender immediately

Best trait:

Men with blue capes frighten
me into submission

The wolfshead I'd like
to arrest most:

Nasir

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

a) Leather trews
b) Probable appreciation of
the belly dancing arts.

Favourite knight:

Sir Gawain

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

a) I have heard tell that to
know him in the Biblical
sense is a most pleasant
experience (as long as you
catch him before sundown....)

b) No further reasons.

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

a) There's far too many Ems
in the world and an
increasing number of
belly dancers.

b) I'm a woman!

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

a) He wears chainmail

b) I have grown weary of hearing
about Loxley, and desire
nothing more than an
opportunity to toy with
him in the Tortue Chamber.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

7

AGE:

21

NATIONALITY:

American

Favourite past-time:

Trampling on cabbages

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Stand really still and
pretend I'm a tree

Best trait:

I know how to wield
a sword

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Puck

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

Cause he made Sir Guy
lose his precious horsey!
That was not a nice thing
to do to a guy w/that
marvelous blue cape.

Favourite knight:

Princess Knight

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

She was cool and posed as a
prince to tramp around
the kingdom. She also got
the Prince and lived
happily ever after.

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

Cause I'm a Peon (you
know, a minnow...a
nut in the field)

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

Got nothing else better
to do with my time
on the net.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

204

AGE:

24

NATIONALITY:

Mixed

Favourite past-time:

Kicking peasants

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Stand really still and
pretend I'm a tree

Best trait:

Men with blue capes frighten
me into submission

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Lady Wolfshead

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

No reason given

Favourite knight:

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

He can write, but I
can't read (my friend is
writing this for me).

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

I know how to take an
arrow painlessly. I've
mastered the art form
of the standing tree.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

He knows how to run away
when danger nears. He
gets lost in Sherwood
Forest at night even
when he has soldiers with
him. He doesn't think
during the whole series.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

46

AGE:

25

NATIONALITY:

American

Favourite past-time:

Trampling on cabbages

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Surrender immediately

Best trait:

Men with blue capes frighten
me into submission

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Nasir

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

I have steeled myself to
spending many many long
hours interrogating this
handsome outlaw in the
privacy of my chamber where
his moans...um, screams
won't be heard by anyone
but myself.

Favourite knight:

Lawrence of Arabia

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

Because T.E. Lawrence was
my childhood hero --
hey who knew about
masochism at 11 -- and
still fascinates me.
BTW, he was never knighted.

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

I am hardly expendable, no
matter what Sir Guy
thinks. Besides, I snuck
into the castle disguised
as a serving maid and have
all the plans to the
dungeon. I can lead tours
through there if I am
not hired at an exorbitant
salary. And I expect
health and life insurance.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

You're kidding, right? I
need the work. Anyway,
I am trying very hard to
impress a 20th century
detective and a fictional
four hundred year-old
immortal, as well as
attempting to seduce...
ahem...capture and tortue
a 12th century fictional
outlaw prone to leather
pants. A badge and sword
will impress these guys,
I'm certain....



N.B. As a guard, you won't have your own chamber, but will be housed in the barracks with all the other soldiers. Your salary will be pitiful and you WON'T have a badge! You most certainly ARE expendable. This position does NOT come with health and life insurance. As the Sheriff once said: "Soldiers have a habit of dying. It's an occupational hazard."



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

105

AGE:

14

NATIONALITY:

Dutch

Favourite past-time:

Drinking

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Stand really still and
pretend I'm a tree

Best trait:

I know how to wield
a sword

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

the Sheriff of Nottingham

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

To me he is just as much
a wolfshead as any of
Robin's men.

Favourite knight:

Sir Bors

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

He's from France, and
they have nice folkdances
in that region

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

What is expendable?

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

Then I might be able
to kill the Sheriff.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

58

AGE:

25

NATIONALITY:

Celt

Favourite past-time:

SEX, SEX, SEX!!!

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Run away

Best trait:

Men with blue capes frighten
me into submission

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Much

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

Because he's always
needing to be rescued from
big, bad guards like me!

Favourite knight:

Lawrence of Arabia

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

He is tall, blonde with
blue eyes...What other
reason is there?

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

Because I'm a pacifist
so would really be no
good in a fight.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

He's gorgeous, very
intelligent, wears a
nice blue cloak, looks
good in a wolfskin and
has a very nice horse.
Did I mention that
he's gorgeous?



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

603

AGE:

24

NATIONALITY:

Scottish!

Favourite past-time:

Kicking peasants

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Shield my lord from
arrows

Best trait:

I know how to wield
a sword

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Lady Wolfshead

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

She needs to learn that
she's not the only woman
who knows what the
pointy end of a sword is for.
Also, it's time she
had some more snivelling
practice.

Favourite knight:

Sir Brian de Bois Gilbert

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

He's a man after my
lord of Gisburne's own
heart -- bullying peasants,
trouncing saxons,
kidnapping Jewish maidens
and generally galloping
about on horseback waving
a sword.

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

Anything's better than
this interminable
embroidery and having to
listen to that dreadful
minstrel again.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

He is a real man not a
puling weakling bleating
about love and charity.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

89

AGE:

28

NATIONALITY:

Dutch

Favourite past-time:

Setting villages on fire

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Shield my lord from
arrows

Best trait:

Men with blue capes frighten
me into submission

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Much

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

I hate him and his
stupid head

Favourite knight:

Sir Guy of Gisburne

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

No one can beat him
with the sword

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

I don't have a goal in
my life. The only thing
I do is drink.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

Then my life has a goal:
to serve the best knight
in the whole world.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

99

AGE:

25

NATIONALITY:

Dutch

Favourite past-time:

Kicking peasants

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Shield my lord from
arrows

Best trait:

I'll follow orders blindly

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Robin Hood

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

He steals from the rich
and gives to the poor.

Favourite knight:

Sir Guy of Gisburne

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

No one handles a sword
as well as he does

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

It's just me.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

I've never seen anyone
so dedicated.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

222

AGE:

243

NATIONALITY:

Dutch

Favourite past-time:

Setting villages on fire

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Stand really still and
pretend I'm a tree

Best trait:

I have absolutely no free
will of my own

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Much

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

He is an irritating
little boy.

Favourite knight:

Lawrence of Arabia

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

He likes camels.

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

I can't think of a
reason why not.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

He is the most brave
guy I know



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

27

AGE:

18

NATIONALITY:

English

Favourite past-time:

Kicking peasants

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Engage in combat

Best trait:

I'll follow orders blindly

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Robin Hood

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

Because he is shagging
Marion and I want to.

Favourite knight:

Sir Paul McCartney

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

Because he can write a good tune.

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

I am 6ft 11 and weigh 18
stone of pure muscle
and enjoy kicking ass.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

Because he is a cruel tosser.



Return to Guard Duties



NUMBER:

55

AGE:

28

NATIONALITY:

American

Favourite past-time:

Kicking peasants

If confronted by
wolfsheads, I would:

Stand really still and
pretend I'm a tree

Best trait:

Men with blue capes frighten
me into submission

The wolfshead I'd
like to arrest most:

Lady Wolfshead

Reason(s) why I
picked this cutthroat:

No reason given

Favourite knight:

Sir Galahad

Reason(s) why I chose this knight:

No reason given

Reason(s) why I'm expendable:

Although I'd be wearing
the blue tabard of
Nottingham, and not the
red shirt of Star Trek
expendables, I think
that I would be
an excellent choice for
your guards. I'm fairly
incompetent with a sword,
do whatever anyone tells
me (even if countless scores
of others have died
doing the same), and
would easily die if shot
in the chest with an arrow
or cut across the stomach
with a sword. No suffering
either. I'd just die
on the spot. I also
enjoy being called "stupid"
and "simpleton" and being
shoved out of the way
by my superiors. Please
let me join the neverending
supply of guards that pours
out of Nottingham Castle to
face Robin Hood and the rest
of those filthy outlaws.

I respect Sir Guy and
would willingly serve
him because:

He's a knight for crying out
loud! What other reason do
I need?



Return to Guard Duties



Main Page

Top Ten Incompetency List

Ask Guy

The Dungeon

ADDIE LOOK-ALIKES

Guard Application Form

Laurel and Hardy

Guy Glitches

Guy Gallery

Knight Bites

The RoS Drinking Game

The RoS Castle Tour

Troubadour Tales

Links